The Leap of Faith
The JMH Leap of Faith by Julie M. Holloway
(an excerpt from The Entrepreneur Within You, Volume 1)
In 2011, at age 34, I finally realized that my dreams for JMH Art + Design Studio were truly sheltered and locked within me. The ‘dream’ was slowly fading further and further away while my mental state was as well. Overly consumed by absolute dismay, fear of not having a ‘job’ and feelings of mental and physical unrest, I was finally at my wit’s end. I was brutally afraid to quit my full-time executive assistant job, a field I had worked in for fifteen years, to pursue my lifelong passion of fulfilling the life of the ‘artist’ within me.
The purpose of sharing this story is not to debilitate you by the experiences that I have gone through; but to share in that we can and must conquer anything in our way of pursuing our dreams and passions.
In this case, for years I blamed my boss at the horrible job for captivating my dream to become a designer full time. However, I finally came to truth and realization that it was me I was afraid of. I allowed myself to be stuck in that situation because I did not have the strength to take the plunge! It is a process to become a self-made entrepreneur and even more so, to decide to leave a career behind you.
My goal is simply to share the experiences of how I overcame and to encourage others to follow suit. In other words, I have labeled myself the latest ‘quit coach,’ but I take no responsibility if it doesn’t work for you. I will gladly discuss my endeavor with anyone who has a dream, and when I say, “dream,” I really mean DREAM BIG.
God will not bless your dream until you help someone else birth forth their dream.
~ Dr. Bernada Nicole Baker
About four years ago I found myself unemployed due to layoffs, so I sat home and taught myself graphic design with a $50 piece of software purchased from Craigslist! Soon thereafter, I was offered a position once again as an administrative assistant. For the next three years, I was truly dragged and driven through a pile of mud. I stayed loyal and worked my tail off to collect a paycheck, ensure my family had insurance and for whatever other reasons, I do not know and do not wish to re-live. Although today I may often wish I had never taken that job, I am grateful because it ultimately led me to true entrepreneurship.
After a few years, (three to be exact) and just a few days passed, I found myself frozen in an absolute state of confusion. I could not believe that I allowed myself to be treated in such a way by an authority figure. My boss berated me on a regular and continual basis, he embarrassed me in staff meetings, he often called me out on having minimal amounts of common sense and he told me I hadn’t done a thing since I started there three years prior except design ‘pretty well.’ He also told me I was easily replaceable. He told me he would surely find someone that would do my job and do it better. He told me I helped others on my team too much, he told me I took on too many responsibilities and he told me I didn’t even deserve the ‘cost of living’ adjustment on my three year review. There were many more things he told me during my tenure, however, I feel this may be enough for you to get the picture.
Many of the situations in the aforementioned paragraph were things that occurred often, but many of those words were spoken to me on my three-year anniversary with the company. In fact, I entered the room for my review that day with an expectation of hopefully gaining some added responsibilities in the area of marketing and design, as one of my co-workers had ‘heard it through the grapevine.’ So that day, I was actually excited to hear about some changes to come within the organization. Instead, it was gravely the opposite.
All of those dreaded words were spoken to me as if I was a third-grader getting slapped with a detention when they didn’t even know what detention was. I was talked to like a principal would speak to a student getting expelled or a criminal getting detained. I sat there for an hour and a half and took the ‘beating.’ I literally threw up inside, I fainted without fainting, I was punched in the stomach by a ghost, I was kicked in the knees by an invisible bully and I was punished by my father when my father wasn’t even in the room.
This was the ultimate end of the road for what I had called my ‘job’ for three years. Not to mention, my ‘written review’ paper claimed that I had nearly failed in every area of my work except for ‘teamwork,’ where I was rated exceptional. This made absolutely no sense.
Le sigh …
My Quit Day …
I raced home that day, not even knowing how I made it to five o’clock, sobbing and breathing so hard, you would have thought I smoked a pack of cigarettes. I am certain I was having a panic attack. Before I got home to see my hubby, I announced to myself that today was “Quit Day.”
Today was the day that I will come to terms that it was time to quit the day job. I flew in the house like a bat out of he## and gave him a five-minute, non-stop gut-wrenching overview of my review that day. We had both eagerly waited on this day, thinking I would receive news that I would get a raise or a bump in expectations, only to find out that I was truly outdone by my so-called career. It was over. It had to be.
I told my husband that I was quitting and that I would be submitting six-week’s notice. Hubby agreed that I did not deserve to be treated in such a way and that we’d have to move on.
The Weekend After …
The weekend after the big ‘three-year review day’ situation, I could not explain to others why I had remained loyal to this situation for as long as I did. I talked to many friends and family re-visiting the situation over and over to seek their input on whether or not I was the crazy one. I repeatedly told friends that I could not envision one more day on earth if I had to go to that job one more time. I could not wait for my escape day and I decided that time would come very quickly. I was so happy that I finally realized that it was time to ‘unlock the treasure of my artistic gifts and become an entrepreneur full-time.’ I had heard it was the most amazing career anyone could ask for! I realized I had to TRUST MY VISION!
Later that afternoon, my children played the Wii downstairs with my husband laughing and giggling while I sat upstairs in the “office” of JMH Art + Design Studio and cried silently for hours. Puddles of tears watered my shirt and sweat from my hands rested frozen on my keyboard.
I needed someone to push me over the edge and say, “Go on, go forth with this decision that you have already made up in your mind.”
As I sat there debilitated for hours at my desk with the intent to write a 10-page paper for my marketing course, I asked myself these questions:
- How did I get here?
- How did I get this far off the artistic track?
- Why is it that when I quit art school the year after high school, did I not pursue a career in ‘the arts.’
- Why, for years was I able to sell my paintings to family and friends, but never step into an art gallery and have them peep my work?
- Why have I designed hundreds of logos for ‘other people’s dreams,’ while not fully and wholeheartedly pursuing my own?
- Why, after teaching myself graphic design four years ago while sitting on unemployment did I not pursue that business full time, instead of taking another dreaded administrative support role?
- Why, while working a full time job, was I able to freelance as a designer and make a 50 percent increase in revenue for three years, yet not able to do this creative thing full time?
- Why did I have to find ALL OF THIS OUT after nearly feeling ‘dead’ inside?
In the midst of yet again, another absolute panic attack, I was finally able to answer all those questions.
I was afraid.
I realized at that very moment that the answer to all of these “why” questions was this:
“Only I have the key to unlock that treasure of mine called ‘The entrepreneur within.’”
Don’t get me wrong, I had just re-read through for the third time “Unlock the Treasure and Discover the Princess Within,” by one of my BFF’s and life-coaching friends, Dr. Bernada Nicole Baker, however, that book is for young girls and teens! That book truly had an inspiring effect on my soul that morning. The moment I realized and truly understood this concept of ‘unlocking’ all that stuff inside of you that you were meant to be when one is born … well, I realized that it was finally “my time.”
So, what was next?
That day, I prayed …
I buckled down, listened to a few gospel songs and words of inspiration from TD Jakes and Pastor Sheryl Brady and found myself praying like a mad woman. I hadn’t prayed much lately, but that day I begged for signs, for forgiveness, for resolution to my broken career-ridden heart, for my boss (for he will someday realize what he did), for my business to take off with wings larger than life, for my husband to believe in me 100 percent as I take this leap, I prayed for my colleagues who would remain in the dreadful company we worked at, for the beautiful soul we would hire to replace me in my position at work, for my inspiring and loving friends and co-entrepreneurs who support me day in and day out.
I prayed and gave thanks for my brother and sister in-law(s) who listened to my complaining for months; for my kids, the only little things that lead me to smile those days; to my mom and dad who sat with me at McDonald’s just a week before and gave me their ‘blessing’ that I should quit the hell hole and go after my dream. I prayed and gave thanks to my old art teacher from high school Craig Anderson (a.k.a. Mr. A) who taught me the art of an arts business before I even knew I would own a business. I was eternally grateful that day for the hundreds of clients that I carried through the part-time endeavor of my ‘wanna-be’ entrepreneur lifestyle when I worked 22 hours a day, seven days a week moonlighting as a fake entrepreneur who still had a corporate paycheck.
I was so thankful for the books and journals that Bernada Nicole Baker sent me on the regular so I could journal and display my creativity; and to my SereniGy® family who pushed me to continue the distribution network I started, because that stuff truly makes me more focused and creative and to so many more I am forgetting.
Lastly, I prayed and gave thanks to GOD for listening to my prayers that afternoon. He TRULY listened and showed me by moving through my body and soul until I found a peaceful moment to say —- I QUIT and it’s OK!
He told me, today you will stop seeking clarity or approval from others to quit working at a place that is making you – and has made you – sick for three years. He said, “I approve,” and that is all that matters.
That day, I experienced a feeling of inner peace that really was just a compilation of all the things I needed to believe would be ok if I took a stand.
The Moment of Peace
A few moments later, a powerful sense of freedom, relief and encouragement, an amazing, calming and captivating feeling came over my entire being, mind, body and my ‘creative’ soul. I shivered, I had goose bumps, my tears stopped miraculously and my hands stopped sweating. It was TIME to take the ultimate leap of faith. I had to become the artist that I always dreamed of being when I was younger. A painter, a graphic designer, a print distributor, an email marketing and social media solutionist and a small business consultant to be exact.
It was TIME.
My prayers were answered and my dreams came true all at once. I cleaned myself up, straightened up my face, hurried up and renamed my new business, and transitioned from JMH Art + Design Studio to JMH Creative Solutions.
I created a five-minute logo, three new marketing package offerings and of course, a new Facebook page for my new business that would launch in six weeks (yes, that was my 38th Facebook page, but hey who’s counting)? I told my story on my new page and created the official, “quit day celebration” invitation for everyone to come celebrate with me on my last day of corporate life, 10.28.11.
The new business would launch on 11.1.11 and, it DID!
Written by Julie M. Holloway, author/organizer of The Entrepreneur Within You
The Entrepreneur Within You is an inspirational business anthology comprised of a collection of experiences from 18 entrepreneurs. The book not only informs the readers of how their path to business ownership began but it is inclusive of diverse, encouraging scenarios; ways that aspiring entrepreneurs can accomplish their goals and obstacles. The experiences that our writers display about how they have overcome and conquered while pursuing their passions will motivate all who are moved to turn its pages! We fulfilled our destiny by allowing real entrepreneurs a platform to share their story and pass on the dream of owning your own, and no longer waiting in the wing!
The mission of TEW is to empower, equip and inspire entrepreneurs nationwide.